


something more

by thedarknesswithin (babylxxrry)



Category: Video Blogging RPF, Youtube RPF
Genre: Angst, Character Study, M/M, post breakup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2019-03-17 14:04:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13660521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babylxxrry/pseuds/thedarknesswithin
Summary: It’s the friends-not-friends-more-than-friends space that sits heavy between people when they break up on so-calledgood terms.





	something more

**Author's Note:**

> hiiii this is for liz, who apparently likes tronnor as much as i do. idk what this is honestly lmao

This is a weird place for them, this _in-between_. They’ve never really talked about any of it, not to the extent that’s probably required for things like this. It’s the friends-not-friends-more-than-friends space that sits heavy between people when they break up on so-called _good terms_. It’s the emptiness that exists between them when they’re in each other’s presence, once filled with warmth and laughter and soft touches and shared glances. And the thing is, that’s not even the thing that stands out the most. No, the thing that stands out the most are the fragmented memories and moments that stand outlined in neon in that empty space. It’s the brush of lips behind closed doors, the nervous hands clasped in a crowd, the laughs and cuddles and quiet nights in all frozen into translucent outlines flashing one after another. And they’re the only ones who can see it.

It’s like when they close their eyes too tight and indiscernible shapes float aimlessly around the dark. Only for Troye and for Connor, the shapes are too familiar. The colors are too familiar. It’s eye colors, it’s the curve of Troye’s lip, it’s the angle of Connor’s jaw, it’s the way the two fit together like they were meant to be.

It’s the stark reminder that what they were, what they worked so hard to grow and nurture, that all of it’s gone now. That they’re not who they used to be. That they’ve fallen apart despite both their best efforts to keep it together.

Connor likes to think they might’ve worked out in some other universe, in some other time and place. Maybe the timing was just off. Maybe they rushed into it. But he’s found that he’s read a lot of books since they’ve broken up, spending his alone time buried in the stories of other people, living vicariously through their happiness and sympathizing with their sorrow, and in these books, Connor’s realized there’s a theme. The people who tend to be made for each other, the people who are each other’s everything, the _soulmates_ , tend to resemble stars, shining bright on their own and joining together so fast and hard that sometimes, they’ll implode and scatter all over the universe. Sometimes they’ll become one star, shedding light over all they encounter, but those pairs are few and far between. And Connor comes to think that he and Troye were one of the other types, the type that tries so hard to unify that they break themselves up in the process.

Troye finds some small amount of comfort in knowing that Connor’s happier now, that he’s free to flourish in himself, but there’s an ache in Troye’s chest when he thinks of how _he_ could’ve been part of that, how he could’ve supported his boy through it all, how painful the last few months had been. And _god_ , had the last few months been painful. They’d been best friends before, y’know. And that had been their mistake, taking it to the next level. There’s nothing quite as painful as losing a lover and a best friend at the same time, and they’d completely ignored that in favor of immediate feelings. That’s where Troye knows they fell apart. That’s where they had to try too hard to define their relationship with forced intimacy and too much _relationshippy stuff_ when all along, they’d been at that level already, just without the label.

And that’s where it’d ended. That’s where _they’d_ ended. And now, they’re stuck. Stuck between friends and not friends and still the barest hints of _something more_ lurking at the fringes  of every exchange like some kind of stubborn ember. It’s a mockery of the bright, bright blaze they’d been before, the blaze they’d smothered with too much effort where it was supposed to be effortless.

They still talk, still hang out, but never alone, never truly _them_. They dance around the topic, around the neon outlines in the hollow between them, just barely skirting the undrawn line that feels like a damn canyon between them. They dance around _them_ , or at least what’s left of them, because they’re scared to break it any more than it already is, when they both know that they need to sit down to talk and either finish it off or rebuild carefully. And they don’t. Because they don’t want to have to decide, and run the risk of having to finish it for both their sanities.

So they’re stuck here in this place, between exes and friends and still more. And it’s tiring, this dance, but they’ll continue until they break, until they’re forced to work it out because so long as they’re here, they can pretend it’s not there, can paste smiles and force laughs and wait until it all comes crashing down around them.

 

_-fin._

**Author's Note:**

> leave a comment or kudos if you are so inclined <3


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